I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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