OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
