do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
