epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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