Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Randomize
