That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
