he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
