So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
