Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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