Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
