she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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