Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
