Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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