apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
