so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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