So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
