the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
