HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
