I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
