so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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