you're like a bully in the Christmas story
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
