Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
