Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
