Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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