were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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