Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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