We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
