mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
A bitchslap is in order.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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