Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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