So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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