you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize