Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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