Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
