We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
