He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
