i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
