OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
