we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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