I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
