is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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