when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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