piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
