And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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