Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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