it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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