I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
