is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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