He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
