Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
