smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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