I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
