they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
