I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
