dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
