Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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