The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
