You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
