I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
