whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
