I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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