Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have post one night stand depression
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
