my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I did not marry a roomba.
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