Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
