I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
